Life is able to teach us valuable lessons that we are able to accept or reject, to implement or abandon. Sometimes, we’ll receive new lessons. And sometimes we’ll receive old lessons that we didn’t understand the first or more times we received them. I want to discuss lessons that I wished I learned sooner-but, glad I’ve come to learn now.
I could go on and on about all the stress and pain I endured from July to December (which have been mentioned in some other blog posts). I address this hard time in my life again because it truly taught me a lot of lessons-both old and new. These lessons have been extremely viable, and have helped me to heal and recover. I also believe these lessons are able to help anyone-wherever they may be in life. The lessons I learned were:
- Being honest with others without overstepping boundaries.
- Maintaining a balance between logic and emotion.
- Knowing when to let go of toxic people.
- Refusing to give credence to lies or rumors.
- I am only able to do my best.
- I am able to trust my intuition when something seems off or wrong.
- I deserve respect and love.
- God is the only One is able to fill the void in my soul.
- For most of my life, I kept everything to myself: my emotions, my struggles, and my thoughts. I never felt comfortable in being vulnerable and honest with people because I was always discouraged to do so; I was taught to see vulnerability as a weakness, not a beautiful trait when handled correctly and with the right people. As I grew older, I started to become more comfortable with being honest about how I felt and thought to others.
However, I also came to realize that, when I was inappropriately honest, I was able to overstep others’ boundaries and my own; me being inappropriately brash caused more confusion, anger, and sadness for other parties and me. I’ve come to see that I am able to still be honest with others without divulging much personal information; I’m able to be appropriately honest while respecting others’ boundaries and my own.
2. I am able to be a logical person-sometimes. Usually, I’m pretty emotional. As I went through an extremely emotionally exhausting situation, my emotions were in overdrive; unfortunately, my logic was almost stamped out often. I allowed my emotions to get the best of me because I was so overwhelmed, tired, and unhappy with everything happening. I had to take a step back and examine my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The action of giving into my emotions will always be one of the hardest things for me to overcome. However, I’m more aware of how important maintaining a balance between logic and emotion is important for my relationships and my own sanity.
3. Since I’ve started this blog nearly two years ago, I constantly encouraged all my readers to let go of toxic people. (I’m pretty sure all my loved ones in real life hear me preach this nearly every other day, week, and month). For the past eight years of my life, I became more dedicated to letting go of toxic people and surrounding myself with more positive, healthy people. However, I still have my flaws and am able to be quite merciful to the wrong people sometimes.
I lost a lot of people these past six months-but honestly, I’m not really upset by it anymore. A lot of those people were toxic, often creating rumors, drama, and strife to hurt others and me. They’d admit to belittling and hurting others; and I’ve come to find out they never cared about me. Others were simply as stuck as I was in thoughts and emotions; and these types of interactions aren’t usually the healthiest for either party.
I used to feel guilty thinking about letting some of these interactions go. But, I’ve come to realize that letting go of toxic people is better for my health, my relationships with good people, and my own self-worth. I truly understand what having peace means when I walk away from negative, life sucking people.
4. Many lies and rumors plagued me in the situations I’ve endured. No one was telling the truth, and a lot of assumptions, lies, and gossip were created to fill the holes in a story that may never receive a true answer. These lies and rumors wrecked me; I would have days in which I woke up nauseous and fearful of what messages would possibly appear on my phone and what “friends” would try to whisper to me. I had to sit down with myself and truly reflect on how I needed to stop listening to these rumors before they destroyed me completely.
Because I’m an overthinker, I still have some moments in which I’m not sure if the lie is the truth and vice versa. However, through God, a good support system, and treatment, I have an easier time detecting lies and rumors-and letting them go to take care of my health.
5. I’m an overachiever and a perfectionist. I desire to do well: to be the best worker, the best student, the best family member, the best friend, and the best lover. When I disappoint people or don’t do well, I’m a mess. I feel like a failure; I feel like I’m not good enough. And all these thoughts reached an unhealthy all-time high in the past six months.
I felt like I failed everyone around me. I felt that no matter what I did, nothing was going to be fixed; nothing was good enough for anyone. I often felt that I was even a failure to God as one of His children. And yet, I’ve learned that all I am able to do is my best; I am not a failure, especially through God. I cannot base my personality, accomplishments, and failures on the opinions of others because I will always be unhappy and unfulfilled. I do have my flaws; I will make mistakes and disappoint others. But, I know I do my best in all areas of my life; and that is good enough.
6. We all may have what we call a “sixth sense.” Usually, that is able to be perceived as intuition. For most of my life, my intuition was pretty tuned in warning me who or what was good or bad for me. However, often in my desire to be merciful and empathetic, I often ignored my intuition-getting myself more hurt and humiliated than if I listened to my intuition from the beginning. I’m learning more that I’m still able to be compassionate to others; but, I’m also able to be cautious and careful.
7. I always preach self-respect and self-love on my blogs; and I truly do believe in these concepts. However, I didn’t always apply them to myself ironically. I’ve learned that I need to respect and love myself in order to receive the love and respect I deserve. I still have my insecure moments, but I’m more aware each and every day how much I deserve the healthy respect and love from others that I need to give to myself.
8. Lastly, I’ve learned that only God is able to fill the void I may have within me. No person or thing will be able to give me the purest and holiest love, compassion, justice, and respect that only God is able to deliver. At the end of the day, God is the only One who is able to make me feel whole and complete within my soul and spirit.
I hope to carry these lessons with me as I still continue this life journey. In regards to the old lessons, I dearly regret not accepting and implementing them in my life prior to this situation; perhaps the pain could have been minimized; perhaps I would have made better decisions. However, I still have time to accept and implement the old lessons in order to be wiser and kinder in my present and future. In regards to the new lessons, I’m more willing to accept and implement them, as well.
This situation was horrendous to endure. However, I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned, and to God for helping me out of this valley.