Losing Your Identity in People or Circumstances

     Life is a journey that is full of good and bad times, good and bad people, and good and bad character development. We each are given a path in our time on earth that is able to advance or hinder us, depending on how we react. We also grow into our identities throughout life. However, we need to be careful where we create our identity.

     Oftentimes, we place our identity in either people, circumstances, or both. We carve our place on earth in our career, hobbies, and relationships. We identify ourselves by what we do or with whom we surround ourselves. We cement our worth in the positions and relationships we hold. While none of these things are necessarily bad, they are able to negatively shape us if they become our sole source of identity; furthermore, people or things are able to worsen us if they themselves are unhealthy.

     We often lose our identity in people and circumstances. When relationships don’t work out, we become despondent and either blame others or ourselves for things not working out the way we wanted. We feel hollow from the loss as if we were cut to pieces. Especially in romance, we try to jump to someone else because we hate to be alone with ourselves. When circumstances don’t work out, we often feel that we failed or that we weren’t good enough to keep or deserve what we lost. We feel that we didn’t work hard enough, that there’s something internally wrong with us at our core.

     Grief, anger, confusion, and sadness are normal emotions to experience when we’re dealing with loss or conflict. And anyone is perfectly validated to be upset or furious when relationships or circumstances don’t pan out. However, when we treat them as our main source of identity rather than components of our lives, we lose sight of who we are-and who we’re able to become. We lose sight of our true worth-and of how much we’re meant to be and do in our life journey. When we stumble to-and-fro through life in placing fragments of our character into what or who is around us, we end up feeling unfulfilled, discouraged, and hopeless. We end up hurting those around us and hurting our chances of growth in careers and hobbies due to losing our identities in everything and everyone else.

     We need to cultivate our identity in who we are. We need to look deep within ourselves and learn about who we are, why we are the way we are, and what could we do to be better in our character. We need to find out what our purpose is outside of the people around us and the circumstances that surround us. For those that believe in God, we must solidify who we are in Him in order to find out what our identity means to us in the grand scheme of our life purpose. 

     Relationships and careers are able to be wonderful elements in our lives, especially if they’re healthy for us. Yet, we’re harming them and ourselves if we place our identities in them. In order to be the best we are able for others, things, and ourselves, we need to find our identities in our characters. Only then will we be able to flourish.

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